What I learned from the guy I wasn’t with?
As I write this blog, I
am binge watching Indian Matchmaking. One of the women seeking a match, Rashi,
describes how she compares herself to other people. Why didn’t I get married, why didn’t I get…etc. She continued to say that vulnerability is scary but it’s
necessary to have because it makes you open to other people which is hard. Being
open and vulnerable is hard because it makes you prone to feeling emotions that
you don’t want to but c’est la vie. That is life. You can’t just be stuck.
I am not saying I need
a matchmaker but I probably wouldn’t turn it down! So, if anyone knows someone, let me know. I have three things that I pray my future partner will encompass. 1. Have a
relationship with Christ. 2. Be happy. And 3. Be a family man. I have had a hard
time because my head and heart are in a battle. I have dated in the past but it
hasn’t been successful. I am not sure about all my single gal pals out there
but I usually get the; why are you single, you are beautiful. I would date you
if I was a guy. You have so many great qualities, I am sure there is someone
out there for you. You know what? Maybe there is but like Rashi said, c’est la
vie. I don’t want to be stuck, anymore.
In college, I had a really
good guy friend. We hung out all the time. Some of my sorority sisters thought
we were together. When we would go out, he would never be too far away from me.
To be honest, none of the guys we hung out with were ever too far away from us.
They were our personal body guards. Any creeper that would try to dance up on
us at a club, they would make a barrier or, my favorite memory, was when another
friend just stood up, we had a regular table outside of the DJ booth, and just crossed
his hands over his chest, like a bad ass friend that would do anything to protect
you. It wasn’t until after my friend and I both graduated from college that he
told me he had feelings from me. I remember I was doing work on the computer
and I just set the computer down and was like, WTF? Why didn’t you tell me
before? He was living in another state and I was still in MN.
Let’s fast forward a
few years to a colleague of mine that went rouge on me. He was a nice guy. Super
attractive but also super clingy, for me at least. I was new to NC and we met
at a football game 2 weeks after I started my new job. He called and texted a
lot. Thinking about it now, I start to feel suffocated. He was very insecure in
his feelings. He texted me Happy New Years while we were at the same party
sitting on the same couch. It makes me laugh now and is my gal pal’s favorite
story to tell about this guy! We were both at the same wedding a few years ago,
separately. He kept touching my knee and was so nice so I thought maybe we
could try it again. He told me about his recent relationships and I told him about
mind. I even told him about how I grandma kissed someone (more on that below)
and he texted me that he was disappointed that he didn’t even get a grandma
kiss. He went rouge on me when I was talking about crucibles. He messaged me about
it and was incredible disrespectful and mean. We just didn’t click. I unfriended
him because I needed to remove that negativity out of my life. I still see him around
and we chat casually, but that’s it.
The guy I grandma
kissed… alright here we go. I met this guy through work. We both worked in the
same field. I had a few drinks in me one night at a conference, let’s call it
liquid courage, and I gave him my number on the back of some guys business
card. We made small chat for a while and decided to go out. We met up and the date
went fine. As we were leaving the restaurant and he held the door for me. What
a nice guy right? As soon as I got out the door, I turned around and he planted
a kiss on me. I wasn’t prepared so I grandma kissed him. What’s a grandma kiss?
When you kiss on the lips, then move to the cheek and hug at the end. It’s the way
I usually kissed my grandparents goodbye. I was mortified but I also find myself
super funny so I text him later and I apologized for the grandma kiss and we
joked about trying it again. Fast forward a few weeks, we never really talked
again but I ended up working with him professionally. He found out that I was
going to be at the same conference as he was and he texted me, “hey want to
hook up?” I didn’t respond and then he said he “accidentally” sent it. I didn’t
meet up with him at the conference and now we don’t communicate at all.
Now let me tell you about
a different guy. He’s kind, genuine, funny, and doesn’t really like cats. I was
not expecting this guy, at all. I didn’t even know I had feelings for him until
I was at a meeting and he moved to the row in front of me and I couldn’t make eye
contact. The feelings were definitely confirmed when I walked into a room once and he
was at the front of and I couldn’t breathe. I was like dang it. I like him. He
wore dad sneakers, faded stone washed jeans, and sweat pant shorts but he made
me feel good about myself and he always listened. When he would message me, I
would lose concentration and my hands and feet would start to sweat. I told him
how I felt, via email. I am so cool! I never hid my feelings after that but I
wasn’t always upfront with them and when I was, I got the response of you
should be able to have what you want, get married and have kids. Shoot, I don’t
know if I even want those things. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t but that shouldn’t
be why we should try this out. So many people thought we were together. My boss’
husband even asked me and I barely knew him. Before I moved for another job, my
grandmother died, more on that in another blog, and my friend was driving me to
the airport so I could go home. She asked me how I would feel if before I left,
he said something about “us”. I said I would like it but probably get mad. Sure
enough, we went out to lunch and he said, I want to talk about us. In my mind,
I was like there is no us and it wasn’t because of me. He said, I think I made
a mistake. I just wasn’t ready. In my mind I was screaming “WHAT???? I am about
to move and you say this, but out of my mouth came, things happen for a reason.
My guard was back up. I couldn’t do this. A few months later, I was back in
town visiting friends. While I was back, I probably spent more time with him
than the friends I had come to see. Talking with him was so easy and 5 hours
felt like 5 minutes. There is a lot more to this situation that may or may not
be in a future blog post so I am going to move on and wrap this post up.
Here is what I learned from the guy that I was
never with:
Sometimes it is the right person but wrong time
or the wrong person at the right time.
No one is worth changing who you are.
You are better then the games, the what ifs,
and the maybes
Be confident in yourself
Put the good vibes out in the universe
Don’t hold back.
Be honest and authentic with how you feel
Believe
Be vulnerable
And lastly…
Love yourself.
Self-love is so
important!
Stay blessed and smile!
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